Communication: from different perspectives

The most surprising thing for me was that others see me as much more comfortable or competent in my public speaking than I felt I was.  I suppose it is a good thing that they both had much more faith in my public performances that I do.  That must mean that at some level I am not coming off as scared to death or nervous which is often how I truly feel. 

The other thing that I found interesting is the difference in how each individual evaluated me in the area of verbal aggressiveness.  I had my husband and a colleague answer the questions.  It seems that at work I am much milder in my communication style.  Not too aggressive but fair.  It takes a lot to get me to lose my temper and be aggressive so it doesn’t happen too often.  While my husband would echo those words, he gets the unique opportunity to see those rare moments.  He knows that while it does take quite a bit, when it happens I can be very aggressive and advocate for what I believe in.  At times this bothers him because he is a very strong and aggressive personality and it is difficult for him to see what he believes is me being “run over” by others.  It was insightful to see how each different person in my life sees my aggressive side.  It showed me that I need to be a bit more direct at work.  Staying too much in the middle has others unsure of where I stand on issues and as a supervisor it becomes difficult for them to know what is expected and to follow me. 

One of the things I try to do when communicating with co-workers is to take their individual personality into consideration.  We recently had an in-house training on different personality types to help us better work with each other as well as with parents.  One of the things that was brought out in this training is the way different types look at communication.  Our staff was divided into four different groups each representing four of the major personality types and then we were asked a series of questions.  One of the questions had to do with what our purpose is when communicating with others.  One of the groups felt that for them communication was all about making a connection, while another group focused specifically on getting results.  If you are a person whose sole purpose in communication is to get results your style may be more concise and to the point.  However, if you are one whose goal is to make a connection you may be more detailed and explanatory so as to have time to establish a connection with the other individual.  As you can guess, if you don’t take into consideration the individual style of those with whom you are trying to communicate with, miscommunication and hard feelings can occur. 

The change in communication I make most often would have to be the way in which I address children.  While working with my toddlers I am conscious of their abilities and language development when addressing them.  As I give guidance, answer questions and make requests my language is marketable different.  Guidance and directions are kept short and simple, often building on each other over time.  Questions are answered truthfully but at their level of understanding.  In addition to the choice of semantics, there is also a continual tone and pleasantness I try to keep in my voice and demeanor.  It is important to me that the children feel that I am approachable and care about them.      

Another thing that helps me when trying to be an effective communicator is stopping and really listening to the other person.  There is so much diversity within our community you can never assume what when you hear something that it is coming from your perspective.  Hearing someone can be relatively easy, really taking the time to really listen to what the other person is saying is a true skill that has to be continually worked at.  Listening requires you to clear your mind and really be in the moment.  It requires you to take into consideration the other parties’ culture and perspective.  You also have to refrain from letting your mind wander or plan your next comment.  Listening takes into consideration the verbal and nonverbal cues being used in the conversation as well.  

Great Communicator

One of the greatest communicators in my life at this point is my six year old son Makana.  At this tender age this little man has a rather impressive vocabulary and takes every opportunity he can to use it.  However, it is not just his words alone but his non-verbal skills that make him so effective in his communication.  You always know when he is excited about something.  Enthusiasm seems to radiate come from every pore of his being.  He is smily, engaging, and can hardly keep still when he has something he wants to share.  Ofcourse it is also easy to tell when things have not gone his way or when he needs a little extra support. 
I would like to be able to capture the effective use of non-verbal skills that he has.  To be able to show my excitiment and engage others in what I am talking about without the use of words would be a great skill to have.