Awarness of Microaggressions

Like most people, I have been both a victim and a perpetrator of microaggressions. While it is easier to write about the times that I have been insulted or hurt, I feel like you grow more when you reexamine times in your life when you were less than fabulous. So here goes… I work with an openly gay man whom over the years I have come to recognize as not only a great teacher but a friend. Our childhood upbringing was very similar so I have found that when discussing certain personal experiences, we can often finish one another’s sentences. Unfortunately this is what got me into trouble several months ago. We had been talking about family when he shared with me the events surrounding the car accident that tragically took his father’s life. He told me that prior to his untimely death; his father had been really struggling with his son’s sexual orientation. As he went to tell me that right before this happened, his dad had just come to terms with his orientation, I stepped in and used the word “choice” to describe his lifestyle.

As a side note here: while I do believe this way of life to be a choice, I also believe that everyone has the right to live their life the way they feel is best for them, baring infringement on the rights of others.  A person should be judged by their content of their character not the aspects of their culture.

While my co-worker is aware of my views on his lifestyle, it had never been an issue that we discussed. I believe we have a mutual “agree to disagree” stance on the issue which has never interfered with our ability to treat each other with the dignity and respect that every human being deserves. He is respectful of my rights to believe what I do and I reciprocate that.  When I finished his sentence with the word “choice” however, I took away his right to live his life free of my judgment. It sent a message to him that his lifestyle was somehow of lesser value than my own. Within a few moments of the conclusion of our conversation, I felt so horrible about my mistake that I had to go back and apologize to him. Thankfully he was gracious enough to have not given it a second thought and our professional and personal relationships were not damaged. This incident taught me an important lesson though. I am now much more mindful of my interactions with others, especially those whose culture differs from my own.